It was Thursday, and i was in L.A Now for Chelsea Lately, but right after that, i hop onto a flight to Atlanta for Wrestlemania. It's also the last day of march, which makes tomorrow April Fools Day, and lucky for me, The Hawks have a Game Against the Thrashers this weekend, so Patrick will be in Atlanta as well. BOY, do i have something planned for him....but that's for tomorrow. Then, i pulled into the Chelsea Lately parking lot and got out of the car and was greeted by the Parking Staff, or whatever.
"Good Afternoon Miss Angel!" Hamlet---The Lost Kardashian Brother, according to Chelsea---Said, waving.
"Sup Hamlet," I Said smiling and heading into the building. This would be interesting.
Once i walked in, i was walking the halls, looking for Chelsea, but i couldn't find her, but i saw Josh Wolfe in the dressing room or something, but he looked busy doing something infront of the camera.
"THIS," He said, holding up a make-up brush, "Is the Make-Up Brush the staff will use in Five Minutes for Jo Koy. And these..." He said, Unzipping his pants, "Are My Balls."
Then, that son of a bitch took the brush and rubbed it ALL Over his balls. I Just stood their, and watched. What a creep i was. Then, i shuddered, and just moved on in the hallway and ran into another Chelsea Lately staff member- Sarah Colonna.
"Do you know where Chelsea is?" I Asked her.
"She should be in either her office or the break-room," She said. "I Can show you where it is."
"Alright, can you show me a bathroom too?" I Asked.
"Sure, but can you do me a favor in there?" She asked as we were walking.
"Um, sure, what?" I Asked.
"Lately, in the girls bathroom in the first stall , some bitch in this office has been going and taking a shit in there and not fucking flushing," She said. "Just check to see if it's there."
"Um, that's disgusting," I Said.
"I Know, I Know..." She sighed. "This office is just full of Asshole's who-"
Then, we were walking right past the hallway bathrooms, where the Office Dickhead Brad Wollack came out of---But not the men's bathroom.
"Ladies...this isn't what it looks like..." He said, defending himself.
"OH MY GOSH YOU SICK FREAK!" I Yelled at him, disgusted.
"Wait..." Sarah said, her eyes lighting up. "Wait are you the dipshit leaving shit in toilets!?"
"No no no!" Brad said, not too convincingly.
"Up Against the wall you red-headed freak!" I Yelled at him.
"I'm gonna go check," Sarah said, going into the bathroom to see if he was the one taking shits in there.
"You know, your not Chelsea! Why the hell should i listen to you?" He asked.
"Because if you don't i'm telling Chelsea to kick your ass!" I Said. "That is, if i don't do it first."
Then, he ran into the corner and stayed there until Sarah came out of the bathroom, sighing.
"It's not him..." She said.
"HA! Brad said, turning around.
"Well why do you use OUR Bathroom anyway, you freak?" Sarah asked. Then. Brad shut his mouth and had no answer.
"Well...you know..." He shrugged. Then, i slapped him right across the face.
"OW!" He shouted, putting his hand over the part of the face i slapped in pain.
"Shame on you bitch!" I Yelled at him, looking at him disgusted. Then, i walked off.
"She's got Attitude," Sarah said.
"I Hate her," Brad said before walking away.
"Your just mad she could kick your ass!" Sarah shouted after him.
I Was still looking for Chelsea, but while doing so, i saw Jo Koy sitting in a chair, getting his make-up done, with the same brush Josh had. Speaking of Josh, he was standing across the hall, watching with an evil smirk on his face, looking satisfied. That's nice, and creepy. I Threw up a little in my mouth, then kept walking until i got into the break room and saw Heather McDonald, Chuy, and Jiffy sitting on the couch and Chelsea sitting back in a massage chair or something.
"All i'm saying is that i think should be on the roundtable more!" Jiffy complained.
"I think you should shut up, Penis Head," Chuy said, to Jiffy's shock.
"You gonna let him talk to me like that?" Jiffy asked.
"Yes i am because i agree with him, you are a penis head," Chelsea said. "Because of you penis the whole office almost got fired by NBC."
"True," Heather said. "I Did NOT Like having to do...what we did..." She said with a disgusted look on her face.
"Don't act like that was the first time you've peed in a parking lot," Chelsea said. Then, she noticed me. "Shame on you three! We have a guest in the room and your freaking her out by talking about penises, shame on you three!" She yelled at them, who turned over to see me.
"Hot mama!" Chuy yelled at me.
"Um...Hi..." I Said, walking in, feeling a little awkward. "Chelsea can i talk to you?"
"Of course, one moment," She said.
Then, instead of getting out of her chair normally, she used a remote to level it back so all she had to do was stand up and she'd get out. It took about a minute til it stopped, and that whole minute was just awkward.
"Alright, let's go!" She said, leading me out. "So, first can i interest you in a Margarita?"
"Sure!" I Said. "I'll need it..."
"My staff is already getting on your nerves?" She asked, getting me a big glass.
"More like Brad Wollack," I Said, rolling my eyes.
"That dick," She said, handing me a Margarita, "Just ignore him, okay?"
"Sure," I Said as she lead me into a room.
"The taping starts in a couple minutes, then about Twenty minutes after that we'll have a five minute interview and you'll be done so you don't have to deal with this shit anymore, okay?" She asked.
"Yeah," I Said.
"Alright, someone should be here in a moment to get your wardrobe and shit ready," She said.
"Alright, thanks," I Said as she left.
A Couple minutes later, the tapings started and someone came in to help me with my make-up and hair. Then, it was time for me to go out their and do my interview.
My Outfit For Chelsea Lately-
*On Stage, Chelsea Lately, No POV*
~Note- this will be written as it would air on tv;ex- Censoring, etc.~
"My Guest this evening is currently the Number One Contender for the Undisputed Women's title of the world in the WWE and will compete in 'Wrestlemania' This Sunday in Atlanta, Please Welcome Kasey Angel," Chelsea Said, Smiling as Kat came out onto the stage receiving clapping from the crowd as she hugged Chelsea and they both sat down. "Well thanks for getting so dressed up for the show."
"No problem, No Problem..." Kasey said, leaning back.
"Alright, well, last time you came here, we didn't get to talk about ****," Chelsea said.
"Yeah, i think we ended up getting into a convo about how i saw John Cena's Dick," Kasey said.
"Yes, we did," Chelsea said. "Since we're on the topic of dicks, i here your getting a certain hockey players dick named Patrick Kane..." Chelsea said. Kasey just looked at her for a moment.
"Who the **** is Patrick Kane," She asked, bluntly before laughing a little. "Just kidding, i know who he is, he's that guy who plays for Chicago...He can barely play."
"Oh, well good for him," Chelsea said.
"He'd probably say the same about my wrestling skills, so i have no regrets on that statement," Kasey Said.
"Alright, but in all honesty," Chelsea said, "Are you **** him?"
"You want the truth?" Kasey asked. "There have been...pictures online of us surfacing around, but i've never actually said **** about us until now, but yes, i am **** Patrick Kane."
"Oh, Well, he must be a freak in the sheets," Chelsea said.
"Actually, i'm the one in command in the bed," Kasey explained. "He's a white boy, so, obviously he isn't exactly so good, lucky for him i'm Latin AND a Brunette, so i know how to get the job done," She said, winking.
"Oh really?" Chelsea said. "Hear the Chuy?" She said, looking back over to her Assistant, Chuy. "Do you have anything to say about Kasey?" Chuy just looked at us.
"BOING," He said, making a thrusting motion, causing Kasey to laugh.
"That's nice..."Chelsea said, focusing back on Kasey. "So, how the hell do you keep this relationship alive with being on the road so much?"
"Well...um...we're both barely ever home, so when we are, we um...you know," She said, trying to make a thrusting motion. "Whenever we're on the road, we kind of...you know...Skype it out..."
"Skype?" Chelsea asked. "I Like that word! What's that mean?"
"Skype is like this online video thing, you know, so uh, when we're like, cross country and stuff, we kinda have to do this like, Skype Sex thing," Kasey said, catching Chelsea attention. "It's WAY Better then Phone sex or Sexting for sure."
"Well that sounds like sky-writing with a Penis," Chelsea said, causing Kasey to laugh.
"There is so much talk about Penises here!" Kasey said.
"Yeah we really need a new hobby here," Chelsea said. "You actually walked into a conversation in the break room earlier today about Penises, more specifically, Jiffy's penis."
"Yeah, that was interesting," Kasey said.
"Alright, so, i at least wanna talk about some **** on this show," Chelsea said. "So, let me just congratulate you because a little birdie told me that you are the longest reigning Women's champion to date having held it for nearly 400 days until you lost it Late last month, so Congrats."
"Thank you!" Kasey said. "Actually, i just heard that not only are you getting a new book out soon but your also coming out with a New Show on E! That's actually gonna air after Wrestlemania!"
"Oh well thank you too!" Chelsea said. "We were actually able to catch some footage of you backstage that we'll air on the new show."
"Oh really?" Kasey Asked.
"Yeah, with Brad Wollack," She answered. "How do you feel about him?" Kasey just sighed and buried her head into her hands.
"Brad is such a ****" She said.
"Oh well i agree with you on that," Chelsea said. "Now, real quick, is it true That Keri Hislon AND Justin Bieber are gonna be at Wrestlemania?" Kasey just laughed.
"Honestly....Yes," She said. "Keri will be doing the National Anthem, and Bieber...i don't know, but i'm looking forward to uh...meeting him," She said winking, much to Chelsea's surprise.
"Well, Anyway," Chelsea said, changing the subject from what Kasey wanted to do to the Minor, "Wrestlemania is this sunday live on Pay-Per view, Starting at 7pm Eastern time, make sure to buy it and Kasey if your bosses try to yell at me and you for talking about other stuff then the Pay-Per View tell them to go **** themselfs." Chelsea said, laughing as was Kasey. "With that being said we'll be right back and Chuy will attempt to Nail Kasey Angel." She said as the cameras went off and they received a standing ovation from the crowd as the two girls hugged and went backstage.
*The Next Day- Atlanta Georgia, Chicago Blackhawks Hotel, 10am, Kats POV*
"Where's Jonathan!?" I Asked impatiently, walking around the hallway where the boys were staying.
"It's called a hotel room, Kat, gosh," Someone said walking up behind me. I Turned around and saw Sarah and Patrick where behind me.
"Well he's helping me with the prank Sharpie helped me out with, so i need him," I Said.
"Your seriously gonna give Kaner a Heartache with this," Sharp laughed.
"Good," I Laughed as well. Then, I Saw Jonathan walk the hall and up to us.
"So, Patrick just ordered breakfast, so i think we can hide you under that little table they carry the food on then sneak you in our room," Jonathan said.
"Alright," I Said. "Where's Jake?" I Asked.
"I Don't know, but uh," Jonathan said, getting closer to me, and smirking. "If Kaner ever gets boring or anything... Canadian boys are much better then white American boys," He said, winking. I Just looked so confused, then i felt someone slap my ass and i turned around quickly and noticed it was Viktor Stalberg.
"Ever been with a sweed before, Kat?" He asked, winking. "We're pretty good under the sheets," he said, walking away. I Was just incredibly confused.
"Oh yeah, Kat," Sarah said. "The whole team saw your little interview with Chelsea Handler and heard what you said about Sex with Kaner."
"Oh shit," I Sighed.
"Don't worry Kat, I'm sure Kaner doesn't mind," Sharp said. "Yeah, he hasn't talked to anyone since the interview, but i'm sure he's completely fine," Sharp smiled. I Rolled my eyes. Then, Jake Dowell ran up.
"Sorry i'm a little late," He said, smiling.
"It's cool," I Said back.
Then, the tray full of Kaner's food arrived and they placed it outside the door of Jon and Pat's room.
"Let's go give Kaner a heart-attack!" Sharpie yelled out loud, smiling.
"SHHH Your gonna get us caught before we can even pull the prank!" I shouted at him.
"Your not so quiet your self," Sharp said. I Just rolled my eyes.
"Oh, Sarah!" I Shouted at her.
"What?" She asked.
"Hold this for me?" I Asked.
Then, for the first time since New Years Eve, i took off my Promise ring that Patrick gave me on the balcony at the party.
"Whoa," Sarah said as i handed her the ring, "Your taking off your promise ring for this? Your truly gonna freak the shit out of him."
"It'll be funny for sure," I Winked.
"It'll be funny for sure," I Winked.
Then, Jonny helped me get under the cart with Kaner's breakfast on top of it, then took it inside the hotel room.
"Hey, Kaner, wake your ass up, breakfasts here," Jonny said.
"Five more minutes..." Kaner moaned.
"Or how about NOW?" Jonathan said. "Come on, man, we got a busy day today."
"Whatever," Kaner said, getting up. "What did you get me?"
"You know, the usual," Jonathan said.
"Oh, alright," Patrick said, getting up and grabbing a t-shirt from his suitcase.
"Yeah, well i'm gonna go and talk to Duncs, so yeah," Jonathan said, leaving the room so it was just Patrick- or so he thought.
Patrick didn't even touch his breakfast for a good five minutes, and i got bored, so slowly i started moving the cart closer to the bed, and the dipshit didn't even know it was moving at first. Then, he noticed, and got bug-eyed.
"What the..." He said, getting suspicious. He then came close to me to get his breakfast, but then, i jumped out from out of the cart and scared the shit out of him. "HOLY SHIT!!!" He yelled out loud.
"Scared much?" I Asked, sticking my tongue out. He saw me, then got up.
"Your so mean, Kat," He said, sticking his tongue out and wrapping his arms around me.
"Well...i'm gonna be super mean after i tell you this..." I Sighed.
"What's wrong babe?" He asked. I Sighed again. "Wait...are you pregnant?"
"What!?!" I Yelled. "Does it look like I'm pregnant!?"
"So, i take it that's not the case?" He asked. I Rolled my eyes. "What's wrong then?"
"See..." I Began. "Look, i love you SO Much, i REALLY do..."
"I Love you too," He said.
"But...see..." I Said, before sighing. Then, i ran my fingers through my hair, making it clear as light that i took off my ring.
"Babe," He asked nervously. "Where's your promise ring?"
"See...that's the thing," I Said. "I Love you, but not that much," I Said. I Swear to god, Patrick looked like his heart stopped beating.
"...Wha-wha-what are you saying?" He stuttered nervously.
"I'm saying..." I Began. "I Found someone else."
"Who!?" He asked.
"Jake!" I Yelled. Then, Dowell came in.
SEE- Jake Dowell Is Cute and Adorable, very. He's also Aggressive when needed. He's nice and caring, and he's like a dream man for girls. When The season began and he started playing, i learned he just happened to be a pretty big WWE Fan, with his favorites being Stone Cold and The Nature Boy Ric Flair. He knew EXACTLY who i was WAY Before i even met Patrick. Anyway, ever since January, Toews started joking around how me and him should start dating, and that's really annoyed Pat. SO, with the help from Sharpie, he helped me come up with this plan to make Kaner think i REALLY Ditched him for Jake. So far, the plan's working good.
"Sup, Kaner?" Jake asked, putting his arm around me.
"'Sup'?" Kaner asked. "Your stealing my girlfriend and that's all you have to fucking say!?"
"Well what do you want me to say?" Jake asked. "Sorry i'm better then you?"
"Oh that's it!" Kaner said.
Then, he tried to take a shot at Jake, but i stopped him.
"Patrick Calm down!" I Yelled at him.
"No!" He yelled at me.
"Look would you rather find out now or months later!?" I Yelled back. He just stayed silent. I Could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn't.
"Well...we only got one thing left to say..." Jake said for us.
"Oh, what's that!?" Patrick asked, pissed off.
Me and Jake stayed quiet for a moment, then broke out laughing.
"What the fuck is so funny!?" He yelled.
"Baby me and Jake were just kidding!" I Said, wrapping my arms around his neck, except he didn't wrap his arms around me as usual, and he still seemed amazingly pissed. "Baby, you okay?"
"Am i okay?" Kaner asked, before pushing me off of him. "You seriously just pretended to cheat on me and your asking me if i'm okay!?
"Relax, we were just joking..." I Said, a little startled since he pushed me.
"Well it wasn't fucking funny!" He yelled at me.
"Whoa," I Said. "If i were you, i'd change your attitude before you even dare speak to me again..."
"You know what, just get out, i don't wanna look at your fucking face anymore," He said, pushing me again and turning away.
A small Part of me wanted to kill him, but a big Part of me wanted to just break down and cry by the way he was acting toward me over something so small. I Just stormed out and was about to head back to my hotel, but Sarah stopped me real quick.
"Wait, Kat!" She shouted. "Don't you want your ring?" She asked, handing it to me.
I Just took the ring, looked at it for a moment, then, I Threw it as hard as i could across the hallway past Sharpie and it ended up hitting a wall. THEN, i stormed out. Sharp and Sarah just looked at each other for a moment and then they realized something just happened, then they ran into the hotel room.
"Kaner, What the HELL Did you just do to my best friend!?" Sarah yelled at him. Kaner was just pissed still and wasn't talking.
"Dude, you KNOW I'm engaged, hell, you've met my fiance before!" Jake said to him. "I'm not gonna lie and say i don't find Kat attractive, but she's just not my type...Man, you two had a good thing going, why let it go over something so stupid?" Then, Jake walked out and Sharp just looked at Kaner.
"I Think you got a lot of explaining to do..." He said to Kaner, who was still processing exactly what just happened.
*Later that day, WM Fan Access, 7pm*
Today's just been fucking great so far, obviously. To make it better, i have wrestling shit to do. Wonderful. I Had an appearance at fan access along with Jammy and Jenny and Cody. We've been doing nothing but meeting fans for the past two hours, and i just wasn't in the mood.
"Damn Kat, you seem so pissed off," Jenny whispered to me as i was signing an autograph.
"Well i am," I Sighed.
"What happened?" Jamila asked.
"Yeah, what happened?" Cody asked.
"Boy don't fucking repeat what i just said!" She yelled at him.
"Jamila!" Jenny yelled. "There are kids her for gods sake!"
"Whatever," Jammy said, rolling her eyes.
"If you must know..." I Said. "It's Patrick, he's being a douchelord."
"Douchelord?" Cody asked.
"That's a new one," Jenny said.
Then, 'No Hands' Started playing, which was Jammy's ringtone, so she excused herself and went to go answer it real quick, leaving just me, Jenny and Cody to do the signing real quick, until someone came up to join us.
"Well well well..." Kathryn said, walking up into my line. "Look who it is."
"Bitch, i'm not in the fucking mood, what do you want," I Sighed.
"Wow, Kasey," She began. "Harsh words to say in front of families..."
"Look," I raised my voice, standing up from my seat and smashing my face against the table. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"I Just came to tell you something," She said, smirking. "Look, i don't know what your little friend Heather was thinking, but she truly will pay for what she did. Sadly, she won't be here for a while, so, until she get's here, i will make your life a living hell...Starting with me kicking your ass sunday night, got that, Kiddo?" She said. Then, she put her hand on my face and friendly slapped me, but not trying to be friendly. Then, i snapped.
"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" I Yelled, pushing her down to the ground, from there she slid back about 5 feet.
"Kat!" Jenny yelled as she and Cody got up and grabbed me and tried to hold me back. Then, Kathryn got up and specifically looked at a little girl in my line for autographs.
"THAT Is the person you idolize!? SHE'S Your hero!?" She yelled in the girls face. Then, she looked at the parents. "Your LETTING Her see THAT as a role-model!? YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL IDIOTS!" She yelled, before storming off. Then, Jenny and Cody dragged me to the back for a moment.
"You need to cool down, seriously," Cody said. Then, Jamila came back.
"Guys! You will not BELIEVE what i just heard!" She said.
"I DON'T CARE!" I Yelled.
"But it's about Heather!" She said.
"I Don't give a shit if Heather's in jail again!" I Yelled back.
"I DON'T CARE!" I Yelled again, then she left me alone and went away.
"Man, Calm Down!" Jenny said to me. I Just ignored her, sat down and curled up in a corner. It wasn't my finest hour, at all.
Jamila walked down the hall away from Jenny, Cody and I To finish her convo with Heather...
"Hello, Nurse?" Jamila said. "Yes, tell Heather i'll see her at the hospital A.S.A.P..." She said, hanging up then running off to the E.R.
*Midnight, Kat+ Justin's Hotel Room*
Justin wasn't here, he was out with 'The Guys', So it was just me. Thank god. I Really needed some time alone from what happened. I Was still pissed and confused and just trying to control my anger. Then, i heard a knock on the door and got up to answer it. It was Midnight, and by now most of Atlanta is asleep, so it must by important.
"Kristen?" I Said, answering the door, only to see Kristen standing infront of me, crying her eyes out. "What's wrong!?" I Asked, letting her come in. She just flopped onto Justin's bed.
"I'm done!" She shouted, still crying.
"What happened!?" I Asked.
"Phil did!" She said.
"Oh no..." I Said, nervous.
"I've had to for the last time!" She said. "I've put up with his shit for too long, i can't take it anymore!" She said, starting to cry even harder into a pillow.
"Look, just calm down, it's late at night, i'm sure you'll feel better in the morning," I Said.
"No, i won't!" She yelled, trying to stop crying, but it only made it worse. "I'm serious! I'm done!"
Then, it was quiet for a moment as i just hugged her and tried to calm her down. Five minutes later, i calmed her down enough to get her to stop crying, and she just took a deep breath.
"Look, i just got off the phone with my lawyer," She said. "Next Saturday in Chicago, I'm having him come over to the house and i'm gonna sign some papers..."
"What papers?" I Asked.
"Divorce papers..." She said. "I'm divorcing Phil, i can't his shit anymore."
"Divorce papers..." She said. "I'm divorcing Phil, i can't his shit anymore."
"Wait...your divorcing him!? After Seven years!?" I Asked, shocked.
"Yeah," She said, looking down. "I Just can't take the constant shit he's been putting me through for no reason. He's forgotten who he was. There is no Phil anymore. It's just CM Punk ALL THE TIME!"
I Didn't even try protesting or anything, because it was true. Ever since he became the leader of Nexus, he's lost sight in who he really was, and he's just a character all the time now. He certainly isn't the man i grew up next door to and always saw as an older brother figure, and he certainly wasn't the guy Kristen meant Seven years ago back when they both started out in ROH. Things have changed, for the worst. I Let Kristen stay in my room for the night so she didn't have to deal with Punk yet. Hopefully, she deals with him before i do, Because if she doesn't, then that mean's i'm gonna be the one who kills him for breaking her heart.
To Be Continued...