20 weeks. 20 weeks. 20 weeks i've been carrying this kid in me, and next week i get to find out exactly what this kid is, and even though we aren't revealing the sex of the baby to anyone else, i'm curious. If it's a girl then i'll need to start praying that when she's born, the Degrassi episode that airs that night DOESN'T have Clare Edwards in it. Ain't no way in HELL i'ma name my baby girl after a bitch like her. Yeah she's perfect and all but i can't stand her. But i'm still hoping for a boy, but still, feels like a girl. Bleh. Erica has class at Northwestern today, but she said she'd pick me up some Mint-Chocolate Chip Ice Cream on her way home since i've been craving it. Basically, she's the only female friend i have anymore--- and Sarah of course. After my little episode with the WWE Gang...i can just forget about everything with them, even if i dare try to apologize...HA. They'd laugh in my face. My only friend now is myself.
My ass and my couch had a date today. TeenNick had a Degrassi Marathon since the premiere of Season 11.5 is premiering soon....by 11.5 they mean the other half of season 11, which i personally think they should just make season 12 since it's gonna be a new school year. But whatever, not like i'm a writer for the show or anything. Whatever they feel like. Right now i was in the middle of season 10, part 2 of the Vegas night episode. RIGHT after Simpson announced the school was on lockdown because Fitz had a knife and was looking for Eli, the door bell fucking rang.
"Son of a bitch..." I mumbled, as i tried getting up. The Baby's gaining weight along with me and it's getting harder to do stuff skinny non-pregnant people can do.
I got up to open the door, and i couldn't believe who it was.
"Justin..." I gulped when i saw him.
"Um, hi...can we talk?" He asked me.
"Patrick's not home..." I said.
"Well, can we still talk?" He asked.
"Depends," I Said. "You know how to make Coco?" I asked. He laughed.
"Is this your way of you asking me to make you Coco?" He asked.
"If you wanna talk, get in the kitchen," I winked, letting him in.
He made me Hot coco as i continued my Degrassi marathon, and after he was done, we started talking.
"So...how's life?" I asked him.
"Okay, can we be real?" Justin asked. "Two weeks ago, in Detroit...what was that?"
I bit my lip and sighed.
"Lara was telling me stuff, that made me mad...and it just came out. I didn't even know i still felt that way about you," I Shrugged. He shrugged too.
"What'd she say?" He asked. I sighed again.
"She's flat-out using you," I Said. "She's trying to get that contract with WWE, then after she gets what she wants, she's leaving you.."
"Oh...wow," He bit his lip, shrugging.
There was that awkward silence after that as he grasped onto what i just said. Then he started talking again.
"Well...uh....honestly, the only reason i got back together with her was because I heard you were engaged with Patrick from someone WAY before you even told me. I got mad, and i decided to get back with her...you know, to make you jealous, and to uh, move on from you."
"Wait," I Said. "So...does that mean..."
"I'm still in love with you, Angel," He said, as i gulped.
It was silent, until i heard a door creek open. Erica still has like, an hour until her class is over...so hat narrows it down to one person who could have walked through that door, uh-oh.
"JACKASS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" I heard Patrick shout as he saw walked in and saw Justin.
"I'm talking to the girl who loves me that's what i'm doing!" Justin yelled back, standing up as Patrick ran over.
"LOVES YOU!?" Patrick yelled again. They were nose-to-nose now, and i'm right in the middle. "She's wearing MY Ring and carrying OUR Baby, NOT YOUR'S."
"Oh yeah?" Justin asked him, with a cocky smile. "Well last time i checked, she was telling me how much she loved me NOT YOU."
"She's never SCREAMED Your name at the top of her lungs in bed!" Patrick yelled back.
"OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT-"
"HEY!" I shouted back, standing up and grabbing their attention. "WOMEN WITH CHILD HERE!"
"Women with MY CHILD," Patrick shouted to Justin.
"Women with child who LOVES ME," Justin shouted back.
"It's MY KID, that makes her MY GIRL," Patrick shouted back at him.
"No It doesn't!" Justin yelled.
"Yes it does!" Patrick yelled.
"ACTUALLY, not all parents are together, my parent's weren't," I shrugged.
"That means she want's me!" Justin smirked to Patrick.
"No It doesn't," I Said.
"That means she want's me!" Patrick yelled back.
"NO IT DOESN'T!" I yelled back
"THEN WHAT DOES IT MEAN!?" They both yelled at me.
"IT MEANS I DON'T KNOW!" I Yelled back.
"You don't know!?" Patrick asked. "YOU DON'T KNOW!?"
"Seriously, Kat!?" Justin asked me.
"Your both springing this on me! What do you want me to do?" I Asked.
"I Want you to do what you KNOW you've wanted to do for a long time," Justin said. "Dump his sorry ass and be with me!"
"I Want you to stay with me- your fiance' and the father of you're first child," Patrick said.
"What about what I wanna do!?" I asked.
"Well what do you wanna do?" Patrick asked.
"That's the thing," I Said. "I DON'T KNOW!"
"How can you NOT know!?" Justin asked.
"I JUST DON'T!" I Yelled. "I'm 20 weeks pregnant, this baby is my concern, not this!"
"We get that," Patrick said. "But you can't use the pregnancy as your excuse for not knowing who you wanna spend the rest of your life with!"
"You gotta choose," Justin said.
"Me, or the foreigner," Patrick said.
Everything's scrambled all right. Am i really pregnant? Am i really where i think i am? Am i really who i think i am? I can't even answer those questions, because i don't know. Everything's scrambled.
"Who's it gonna be?" Justin asked.
I Paused and bit my lip, then sighed.
"I DON'T KNOW!" I yelled. "I need some time....i need that time to be away from both of you," I Said.
Then, i left.
*Brooks household, late at night*
It's freezing cold outside. It's times like this i'm glad i have a zillion random hoodies to wear. After....'that', i ran over to Phil and Kristen's. Kristen wasn't home, she was visitng her friend Jessie, who's having a kid soon or something, so it was only Phil, which is good cause i didn't really wanna speak to her. Not yet. She knows i'm here since she's home now, but she's inside. I'm outside, on their deck sitting at the table they have, looking at the stars all cuddled up in my hoodie trying to figure this all out. I heard one of the dogs bark, so someone must be coming.
"Hot chocolate?" I heard Phil say behind me, with a cup in hand as he shut the door and one of the dogs came out with him to do his business. "Kristen just made it."
"Take a sip first," I Said, wary. He looked at me as if i was an idiot, then took a sip of it.
"Now what?" He asked.
"How's it taste?" I asked.
"It taste like hot chocolate dumbass what else would it taste like?" He asked me. I Rolled my eyes and took it.
"Just making sure..." I sighed.
"Seriously, how you holding up?" Phil asked.
"I Only had my mom for 14 years, not once did she tell me what the hell to do when i got pregnant and had to chose between two men..." I sighed, taking a sip.
"You know, your mom was fucking hot," Phil said. "Even after three kids, she had a perfect figure and you just totally wanted to bang her."
"Oh well thank you for putting that image in mind of my mommy," I rolled my eyes.
"The point of me saying that is to say that chances are, after you have this kid, you'll get your hot figure back and go back to having creepy guys wanting to fuck you," Phil said.
"What was the point of that?" I said, smiling.
"There was no point, but it actually got you to smile," He said, causing me to smile even bigger. "But seriously, because she was so fucking hot, i tried to...you know, spend time with her."
"You tried to make the fucking moves on my mom!?" I asked.
"NO!" Phil said. "Just...you know how i used to eat dinner here some nights and how i was with your sister for a while?"
"Yeah..." I said.
"All that to get closer to her fine ass," He smirked.
"Oh good lord," I gagged.
"But seriously, since we had a good relationship, she was one of the people i kept in touch with after i graduated and went to train with Ace," He said. "And i was actually one of the last people she talked to before she died, and she told me something to pass along to you when you got yourself into this mess."
"WHEN i got myself into this mess?!" I raised an eyebrow.
"She had a feeling you would be the one of the three kids to mess up this big," Phil said.
"Figures, i was the worst one of her three," I Said.
"She thinks Savannah's the one most likely to get arrested for being an idiot and Craig's the one who's gonna end up having a women show up claiming he's her baby daddy," Phil said.
"I'm pretty sure that's happened to both of them already," I Said.
"Anyway, she told me this," Phil said. "Listen to you're heart, not anyone else. It's easy."
I looked at him, dumbfounded.
"That was her last words involving me? THAT?" I asked.
"It's actually good advice!" He said.
"That's HORRIBLE advice! How the hell is that gonna help me!?" I asked.
"Just think about it, like she said, it's easy, you'll be okay," Phil said.
Then, he got up, opened the door and let the dog inside, and he shortly followed, leaving me alone again.
Listen to you're heart, not anyone else. It's easy.
That kept going through my mind, trying to figure it out. I'm being forced to choose between two guys, not only for me, but for my unborn child. Everything got even more scrambled. I Wanted to scream, but i didn't. I just knocked over my Coco and started yelling to the sky.
"You said listening to my heart was easy! SO WHY THE HELL AM I STRUGGLING SO MUCH WITH IT!" I screamed up at the sky to the heavens.
I sat back down and started taking a couple deep breaths, then i curled back up into a ball.
I believe in afterlife, and i don't know if my mom heard me or something, but after that, everything changed.
My mind cleared up, i could think straight again, and it clicked in for me. I only saw one guy in my mind.
I saw Him in my mind.
Suddenly, my mind was made up, and for the first time in a long time, i know what i want and what's best for me.
I knew EXACTLY which one it was. Exactly.
To Be Continued....